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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
full moon mid-autumn
realised i've been leadin a life full of ups and downs ever since i embarked on this new journey wif dear hj.. felt so sorry to set all the rest of u ppl breakin out in cold sweat each time i posted sth weird here.. haha.. but bloggin is a v gd way for me to truely express myself.. dun u guys agree?? what's more.. i can tell him some of my feelings thru this way w/o telling him rite in the face tt often den not.. leads to much displeasure..
pretty sure i've kinda conveyed my message to him in my previous posting for i can c some improvements on his part.. realli appreciate tt.. each of his sms/reply.. be it just a simple greeting.. sets me feelin great for the rest of the day.. so dear.. pls do not stop carin for me in this way.. love u lots!! hee..
well before i set the rest havin goosebumps all over.. haha.. realli wanna express my sincere gratitude to those who care for me so much.. haha.. in which ever way it is.. thx to my tak-lor gang, hui, kelly, minmin n all others who care.. n giving me precious comments n "experience-tok"..
hai.. mooncake festival today yet i cant celebrate cos it's a wkday n i've yet to d my SIP report!! oh man.. wad am i doin?? better stop foolin ard n start gettin seriously down to work.. catch ya another day guys!! =)
Saturday, September 25, 2004
distanced...
suddenly.. i felt so distanced frm him.. no longer r there the sweet n happy times tt we used to share.. just endless silence and emptiness deep inside.. nth much other den the feeling tt each time we met.. it's the countdown to the hr when we'll make our ways home.. i'm a boring person i guess.. n mayb ppl do get sick of being wif the same person all the while..
i felt cold.. for i cant feel any warmth in him.. missed the days we have lots to chat abt.. be it face-2-face or in msn.. yet now.. he no longer bothers to chat wif me in msn.. even when i initiated the conversation.. replies will always be a simple "ok", "huh", "ya".. neither is there things like daily sms.. i felt cheap.. where has all my pride n dignity gone? i'm sad yet i wun allow my tears to flow.. swallow them.. hurts terribly.. just like sprinkling salt over a fresh wound..
perhaps he's waitin for me to raise the topic.. the topic tt'll end all sufferings between us.. do i realli have to do tt?? if u tink tt's the way u wan it to be.. i'll do it..
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Abstruse
got hold of junmei's blog frm joc's webbie.. read thru several entries n realised tt i kinda felt the way she feels at certain times.. or issit tt all/most gals tend to feel tt way when they got "entangled" in love? a lot of thoughts circling in my mind..
many a times in the past.. i tend to scorn at the fact tt gal pals ard me who cried n refused to "let go" when they were "forced" to face the end point of their love life.. i thought they were just simply being wishy-washy and thinkin y cant they just be more "clear-cut" n take things as they come.. yet i noe y now.. there r some things in life tt u cant just "press delete" n hope tt all data be gone frm ur mind as n when u like it.. more like.. the more u wanna forget abt it..
the more u r reminded of it..
relationships r the most knotty prob tt ever exist in this world.. not even the most complicated math prob can be used to vie it.. the more u plunged into it.. the deeper u sink..
u tend to be uptight n be on ur toes.. for each word tt came out frm ur mouth n each move u made.. u r afraid tt ur special he/she may be offended/ hurt.. u hope tt all ur other half sees are ur goods.. therefore.. u became liquid.. shaping urself to be wad ur other half wants u to be like.. yet.. yet.. liquid can never be compressed.. u may be able to change ur shape but if under compression.. the energy/tension may just go BUST.. u r still urself.. deep in there.. perhaps it's also this "energy" deep inside tt help most ladies out there to survive thru the ordeals in life..
often.. we tend to be too proud to even request tt they spend just 1 more sec wif us.. or to just simply.. give us a warming hug.. perhaps we r too proud to allow them to become an indispensable part of us.. u noe.. guys may get "cocky" n start to have tt "u-love-me-more" kinda feelin.. n perhaps.. perhaps.. begin to care-less abt ur feelins..
love.. simply put.. is something tt u will love yet loathe.. tt u yearn for but spurn frm.. tt's sweet yet bitter.. tt's simple yet complex.. sth tt u tink u can do w/o yet u cant when u r in it.. sth tt induces energy yet at the same time.. exhaustive..
hmm.. as a ending note.. dun 4get to tell ur beloved ones(be it ur gf/bf, family or frens) the 3 magic words tt works like miracle..
To: My Family, Hj, The Tak-Lors, & all my other dear dear frens out there..
Thx for being there for me at all times.. though i never put it across to u guys this.. but i do care for each n every single one of u.. n FINALLY.. here comes the 3 magic words..
("v") I-LOVE-U ("v")
haha.. *winks*
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
expressions failure
haha.. i'm referrin to myself.. total failure tryin to express myself.. told u guys tt i went down to hj's office wif hui n yang last evenin isnt it? n turned out tt both hj n minmin were realli busy so i tot it would be better if we leave earlier n not disturb them working.. realised i didnt had the chance to realli speak to them.. but i wasnt at all affected by tt.. but wad amused me was tt.. both of them (hj n minmin) tot i was angry.. quite funny for minmin even sent me a sms to apologise n ask me not to be mad wif hj n stuff.. haha..
just to reassure the 2 of u again.. i wasnt mad at all.. in fact i was feeling great ytd.. wonder wad went wrong wif my expressions.. hmm.. haha.. but i tot tt was sensible n thoughtful of u (minmin).. n as for hj.. tt at least goes to show tt u do care for my feelings.. haha.. got this "blessed" feelin again.. keke..
but i'm still pondering over the reason as to y ppl tink i'm angry when i'm not.. n when i'm realli mad.. nobody noe tt.. hmm.. tough qns..
anyone noe of any class tt teaches ppl how to express themselves more tactfully??
Monday, September 20, 2004
playin gooseberry..
yep.. playin gooseberry for the whole of this evenin.. went to marina square wif hui n yang to collect her mp3 frm hj.. a trip which i kinda regret makin.. felt so sorry to keep havin hui to walk beside me when she could jolly-well be holding hands and strolling along the way wif yang w/o me tagging along.. so sorry gal..
but felt realli glad tt they r gettin on realli fine n comfortable wif each others company.. hui's changed a lot in terms of her temper-wise.. n yang too had some changes in his level of "sensibility" and doin a much better job at coaxing her.. felt realli happy for the both of them.. got to noe tt hui even promised to wait for yang to go thru his NS.. aww.. how sweet can she get..? if i'm yang.. i'll definitely melt.. haha..
oso bcos of this.. i felt terribly bad to play gooseberry.. n even had to wait for bus 87 wif me before making their way home.. i'm suddenly so blissed wif all the love and care showered by my frens.. come to think of tt.. frens r realli forever n i'm blessed to have all of them..
great frens r forever!
had a wonderful time thru the past wkend.. though there was the yucky on-campus session and we had to bear wif goin thru the meeting wif Phyllis Chong tt brought not much help to our FYP as she kinda redirected most of our questions to another lecturer.. Mr Benny Loke.. whom we have no idea who he is.. haha.. but nvm.. after tt.. we had some discussions among ourselves b4 goin to TM to catch the movie, "The Ghost".. was okay (just pass the mark ba).. not tt scary except for certain parts but was rather confusing a movie.. hj and me went on wif a 2nd movie w/o the others.. watched "Dodge Ball".. and I would have to have my thumbs-up for this movie.. strongly recommend those who haven watched it go RIGHT NOW.. this is a movie u will never regret watching.. really funny .. and we love it! but perhaps both of us prefer such movies.. after all.. we r 2 comical ppl ourselves.. LOL
finally found time for my dear "tak-lors" sisters.. went to ktv wif lena, kj and joc.. had a great time givin our vocals a work-out.. haha.. sang songs frm FIR, Fish Leong, SHE, n lots more.. been a long long time since I njoyed myself tt much and laughin my hearts out wif each and every of their hilarious moves.. haha.. u gals really gd at makin me happy.. haha.. how can I imagine my life to be w/o u gals?? so all of u shall have no choice but remain my frens for the rest of ur life.. wahahahaha!!! :p
PS: MK's bdae today.. have a wonderful day, babe! n HAPPY BDAE!! =D
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Divine Delights...
ytd was supposed to be a terrible day.. imagine.. after all the "battle" tt i went thru.. n to top things up.. monday blues.. i felt dead frm the beginning of the day.. yet i'm so blessed to always have him there to perk me up.. haha.. looking exceptionally chirpy and joking ard.. how would i dare to look grumpy??
after work.. as usual.. waited for him to knock off at city hall.. yet dun tink i'll be 1 pathetic soul standing at the station alone waiting for him.. i had great frens.. hui n yang waited wif me.. n we went ard trying out different shoes.. n finally.. he turned up wif a box of 4 chocs wrapped in a delicate box wif pink ribbon frm SINS Choc Shoppe.. how sweet of him to cheer me up in this way! sweeter than the chocs i'll have to say.. LOL
woke up this morning.. feeling much fresher.. maybe after a realli great nite slp n perhaps the chocs did have some effects.. haha.. spent the entire day staring at databases.. fully-exhausted me.. was not as chatty as usual.. leaving him to tok most of the time.. so sorry abt tt dear.. i was just feeling tired n rather sickly.. so sorry for having u do all the talking..
n sian sian sian.. kena spotted by bro while chatting at the void deck.. sian ar... haha.. but dun care la.. sleepy liao.. time to turn in n get all ready for the company's SRC Bowling Nite tml at Orchid Country Club.. i cant bowl.. wish me luck ba..
Sunday, September 12, 2004
unveiling my pains..
i'm sinking deeper into this..
he just cant stop the yelling n cursing..
wad's his prob??!!
i cant stand it animore...
i can feel myself being torn into pieces..
feelin myself collapsing wif each passing incident..
i'm weak..
i dun understand..
as a matter of fact..
i tot marriages r just the start to endless nightmares..
y do my head feels as though it's spinning??
hate this world, hate the ppl ard me, hate myself, hate everything..
n ultimately.. i HATE him..
but great thing i got hj..
so sorry for pouring all my troubles..
just felt realli terrible..
hope things shall be better the moment i open my eyes the nx morning..
Thursday, September 09, 2004
susan's pregnant!
my 13th wk of attachment will soon be coming to an end.. standing frm where i am.. i look back at the past wks.. definitely.. compared to my other pals.. serving their internship wif other companies.. i tink "stressful" will not be a suitable word for me to use.. haha.. i certainly wun wanna be beaten up by them..
well.. but it isnt all smooth-sailing for me as well.. i do have the realli busy times n times when i did terrible mistakes.. but all r passe to me now.. in fact i have mixed feelings abt leavin the place in 3 wks time.. tink there'll definitely a few ppl tt i'm gonna miss dearly..
there's the niceeeee auntie.. always treating me wif little snacks n stuff.. my cutie supervisor, susan.. who's ever so understanding n caring towards me.. making me feel so pampered.. haha.. there's oso the other susan.. susan gow.. always pop up at my desk n chatting to me whenever my bosses r not there to "care" for me.. not forgetting shirley.. biz dev manager.. the one who told me where the biscuits are.. LOL.. we share the same likings.. haha.. lunch time "khakis" reuben n juniper realli make lunch time more colourful.. enlightening n perking us up wif their unique point of views and comments abt spore idols n some other entertainment news.. n they r oso great ppl to talk to when u wanna hear more abt work experiences..hmm.. tink tt's abt all..
gonna have my bbq pork... hee...
Saturday, September 04, 2004
2mth joy
yippee.. braving thru all the terrible thunderstorms.. we got to the 2nd month of our relationship.. cheers!!! haha.. n we went out the entire day to have some kinda celebration.. well.. let u guys have a peep at wad we did today..
agreed to meet each other at eunos mrt at 1pm.. but to my surprise.. he turned up at my void deck..! n i tot tt was so thoughtful of him to do such a thing.. den.. got me a gift.. a bracelet with dangling hearts.. n i simply LOVE it.. thanks so much dear..
went to city hall as i suggested picking saga seeds frm the st andrew cathedral but rather disappointed to find out tt some construction work was in progress n expected ending date's sometime on june nx yr.. hai.. there goes my saga seeds.. but i managed to pick up 6 to put into my rather empty bottle.. i promise i shall have it filled up one day.. haha
so we decided to continue goin north to sembawang's sun plaza to have our meals at mcdonald's and our 1st movie for the day.. Anacondas.. at Eng Wah cinema.. the show was such a thriller n u guys wouldnt regret watching it.. trust me.. but provided tt u r those kinda ppl who wouldnt freak out when seeing how the snakes swallow a living person down its stomach.. it's gross i tell u.. haha..
den.. we headed to yishun's north point in the evening to catch our 2nd movie at GV.. A Cinderella Story.. this show is of a totally diff genre frm the other one we watched.. it's the kinda sweet love fairy tale movie.. which my colleague tink is meant for those 16 yr old teenagaers.. so.. i had to admit tt i'm childish.. but nvm.. at least i'm still a teenager.. haha..
came home in 1 piece.. 110% satisfied wif my 2nd mth anniversary date.. i'm now both famished n slpy.. shall go cook myself some noodles n head back to my cosy bed.. haha.. sweet dreams all!! =D
PS: today's my dear cousin Bryan's bdae.. happy birthday little darling..!
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
Stop venting ur anger on me will u??
feeling weird these days..
having no idea wad's rite wad's wrong..
everyday i waited for the hours to past..
waited for it to strike 6 when i could make my way home ALONE..
i dun feel like interacting wif anione..
long time since i felt this way..
the urge to go home n to c my family..
n i did.. but this evening turned out to b rather nasty..
i hate him.. y muz he always vent his anger on me..
i'm sad.. got lots to tell.. but no one to listen..
instead.. got shouted by him rite in the face..
i'm sick of it.. sick of everything..
y?? y cant we talk?? y must there be shouting all the time??
can someone tell me why??
i'm scared.. i dun wanna be like him..
will such things be inherited??
i dun wish for ppl to dislike me in this way..
i dun wanna be cursed!!
can anyone teach me wad i can do??
*feelin feverish*
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